Driven

These were the days like any other days - when Mother told me, "She was so tired of me being 'on her hands' all the time!" I don't remember trying to stand on her hands at all; I was about four at the time - I was told to go outside because, "I was driving her to Drink." (See Map.)

I had a little metal car with pedals that cut into my insteps if I were not wearing substantial footwear - so if I'm driving her to Drink, I'll wear good shoes and hope this place (Drink) will have some root beer for me. I was flattered to think she thought I could drive that well.

I waited, seated in my car, for an interminable length of time, until the seat (also metal) became so hot I had to get out. All planned future drives produced the same result - I figured I was destined to be in the 'hot seat' from then on.

New destinations arose every day, i.e. she said I was "driving her to the Brink," which sounded like a scenic overlook. Speaking of scenery, I was so fond of Pooh's One Hundred Acre Wood but our environment was okay, too - except for a lot of cactus, rattlesnakes, horny-toads, tarantulas, scorpions - but also some olive trees, pepper trees and a nice pool shaded by some eucalyptus trees - but I digress.

The next drive was to Despair and to the Point-of-No-Return (in later years, it became the Pint-of-No-Return; I shouldn't have driven her to Drink so often.) No Return and Despair seemed like long journeys, so I grabbed a handful of graham crackers and waited. But the hot seat in my little car caused a hasty retreat, so I ate the crackers and waited some more.

I didn't have to wait long because Mother said I was "driving her insane" - I hoped she wouldn't become too out of control because a policeman might pull us over and I didn't have a license.

The next trips were equally scary - Mother said I was "driving her crazy" and "over the edge." I figured Over the Edge was near Up a Tree, another favorite, but since she said I was driving her crazy (I thought I was a very good driver), I thought we shouldn't go there.

Next thing you know, I was "driving her wild" - I think she meant "wildly" - and I was "driving her to Wrack and Ruin," which I guessed must be next to yet another location, "Wit's End," - which sounded like a lovely place for vacationing.

Well - she finally got a grip and announced a final destination - Mother said I was "driving her to An Early Grave," and I thought:

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!